Grey divorce: The new reality of modern relationships

Far from a rash dissolution of vows, grey divorce is reshaping societal views on commitment, showcasing that it can lead to new beginnings

The entertainment media is abuzz with news of AR Rahman’s separation from his wife of many years, Saira Banu. It is not the first time that famous couples, married for several years, have called it quits. What was once anathema in the old scheme of things—namely, a marriage breakup—has now become a lot more common, giving rise to a new term in the nuptial dictionary: grey divorce.

All cases of middle-aged separation have been well-thought-out decisions, taken after life has given the couples all their due during their togetherness. The best of relationships can fray, the pristine love that couples vouched for can gather moss, and what seemed like a lifetime’s vow can wither after many winters of frozen emotions. What was once considered unthinkable becomes inevitable in the narrative of two people who once thought they would grow old together and be each other’s crutch when their feet faltered. What had been held sacred and secure slowly gives way, and couples arrive at a decision that is ironic, painful, and liberating at the same time. We have now entered a new era of human relationships, where binding and breaking look like two sides of the same coin. While separation at a younger age is more common than parting at twilight or thereabouts, even long-standing unions are no longer immune to the reconfigurations of modern relationships. Grey divorce has come to symbolise not just the unravelling of a marriage but the assertion of individuality—a reclaiming of one’s universe after years of compromise and shared existence. For couples who part ways after decades together, it is not a rash decision taken in the heat of conflict but the culmination of deep reflection and an honest appraisal of their shared journey.

It is not about undoing the years they spent together or dismissing the love they once held; rather, it is about recognising that their paths have diverged, their goals have shifted, and their needs have evolved in ways that no longer align. Marriage, in its ideal form, is a partnership where two people grow together while allowing each other room to flourish individually. But as life unfolds with its relentless demands and shifting priorities, it is not uncommon for this delicate balance to tilt. What once felt like a harmonious duet may start to sound discordant, not out of malice or neglect, but simply because human beings are not static.

Divorce in later years, though heart-wrenching, is often an act of self-preservation—a decision to honour the person each has become rather than clinging to a version of themselves that no longer exists. It is a painful shedding of skin that no longer fits, and like all transformations, it comes with its share of sorrow and scars. Yet, it is also an opportunity for renewal, a chance to readjust one’s life with one’s inner truth. Couples who choose to separate after years together are not betraying the sanctity of marriage; they are embracing the courage to let go of something that no longer serves their mutual wellbeing.

It is a quiet revolution in the way society views commitment—not as an unyielding contract but as a partnership rooted in growth, love, and respect, even when that means stepping away. While the process is undeniably painful, it also holds the promise of freedom and self-discovery. It allows individuals to reclaim their lives, find joy in their own company, and pursue paths that were perhaps once abandoned for the sake of togetherness. Grey divorce is not the undoing of a life lived together; it is the rewriting of two lives that are still unfolding. It reminds us that while love may not always last in its original form, the lessons it imparts and the growth it inspires are eternal. And in that, there is hope—a hope that even in endings, there can be beginnings. As Rahman said, they will eventually find meaning in the shattering.

Let us be comfortable with silence to discover inner self

I am writing this column from the quiet environs of an Alpine valley in Germany. The winter has set in, turning the skies grey and the air bleary. This small town in Bavaria withdraws into its living rooms as early as 4.30 pm when darkness falls and then there is only silence all around, made palpable by the dwindling traffic and people on the streets. For someone who is used to the non-stop noise of metropolitan Dubai, this silence is new and comforting.

The downtime it offers is not everyone’s cup of tea though, for silence can be disconcerting to many. Its virtues are disregarded and it is taken as a sign of lethargy and dispiritedness, an absence of inspiration and the ultimate sign of an introverted personality. In a world teeming with sounds, silence has become something of an endangered species.

It is the quietude that we collectively fear as if the absence of words leaves us exposed, untethered, and somehow incomplete. When conversations taper off, there’s often an instinctual drive to fill the void, a compulsion to keep the hum of interaction alive lest silence brings its “awkwardness” into the room. But I often wonder, is silence something to be avoided?

Or is it, in fact, a sanctuary we have lost touch with, one that could lead us back to ourselves? I think of the times I have seen people—close friends, even strangers—grapple with the discomfort of a pause, reaching for words as if they were life preservers in a sea of quiet. We are, it seems, constantly seeking refuge in noise, hoping it will drown out whatever solitude and reflection might stir in us if given the chance. Silence is perceived as emptiness, a fearful space, rather than a fertile ground for connection and self-discovery. We are conditioned to believe that engagement is strength and that silence, somehow, signals inadequacy.

To be quiet in conversation is almost seen as a failing; we are regarded as “shy” or “distant.” Yet, silence has its richness, a subtle power that invites us into the fullness of presence, something words cannot always offer. In silence, we are called to listen, not only to others but also to our inner voice and perhaps that’s where the unease begins. The quiet holds a mirror up to us, revealing what lies within when the outside world fades to a hush.

Silence invites us to reconnect with an inner calm, a solitude we often shun. Instead of fearing what might emerge in the absence of chatter, we might learn to find comfort in simply being—without the compulsion to fill every moment with talk. In this way, silence is not a void; it is an invitation to pause, to settle our racing minds and to let the dust of daily life drift gently to the ground.

Consider, too, the depth that silence brings to relationships. When we share a moment of quiet with someone, we are not erasing the connection; we are deepening it.

It is in these pauses that we see each other most clearly, unfiltered by words, and held by the simple act of shared presence. Yet, our tendency to fear silence as awkward makes us miss the power of these moments—times when we could breathe alongside one another, unburdened by the need to perform or impress.

It is time we learn to embrace silence not as an absence but as a presence—a steady, gentle force that grounds us when words have exhausted their role. For in those quiet spaces, we can find not just peace, but a reservoir of strength and clarity, one that restores rather than depletes, and brings solace to our weary souls.

Creating a workplace culture that truly supports mental health

In a workplace where mental health is prioritised, employees would feel confident, heard, valued and supported

The theme for Mental Health Day 2024, which was observed on October 10, was “mental health in the workplace”. Although a month has passed since then, it is a theme that will remain relevant at all times of the year, given the rising incidents of burnouts and crashes in the professional sphere. The race has never been this fierce to corner the best bargains in life and in the process of touching the finish line first, we are disintegrating as family, workers and society. Our workspaces are turning into ticking time bombs with a multitude of nerves waiting to snap.

The deadlines in front of us are turning into death lines. As someone who has gone through a mental health condition and someone who has been through the trials of having to perform well at work during the ailment, and in the end been let off, I can say this much with certainty: We talk more and walk less. The active discussions that we are having on mental health in offices are not translating into workable actions and responses. Whether we use the word toxic or hostile, or politics to describe inclement work conditions, there is an amount of disquiet hovering over workstations and cabins. Employees still struggle to define their boundaries and raise concerns without fear of judgment or retaliation.

This lack of open communication creates a festering environment where mental well-being takes a back seat to competition, productivity, and ambition.

To bridge this gap, I believe every organisation needs a Chief Emotional Intelligence Officer —a dedicated professional to prioritise the mental wellness of employees. This individual would serve as an accessible resource for emotional guidance, creating a safe harbour where employees can speak candidly about their mental and emotional challenges without fear of repercussions.Why is this crucial? Because mental health issues in the workplace are seldom isolated incidents—they are deeply intertwined with how individuals interact, collaborate, and handle the pressures of their roles. The CEIO would not only provide direct support but also foster a culture that values empathy, resilience, and open dialogue. They could organise workshops on emotional intelligence, manage peer support networks, and act as a mediator in times of conflict. By equipping employees with emotional tools and safe channels to address their struggles, companies can create a more harmonious and productive environment. A psychologist or therapist in the workspace would be invaluable in addressing the employees issues.

Think about the quiet suffering: employees with anxiety disorders who fear speaking up during meetings, those with depression who find it challenging to meet deadlines or those enduring chronic stress due to workplace politics. When left unaddressed, these issues don’t just impact the individual—they disrupt team dynamics, reduce overall productivity, and lead to higher attrition.

By bringing mental health resources in-house, organisations send a powerful message: We care about you as a whole person, not just as a worker.In workplaces that still stigmatise open communication, a CEIO can lead by example, showing that seeking help is a strength, not a weakness. Imagine an office where an employee overwhelmed by stress could have a confidential conversation with a professional trained to listen and offer support. Or where tensions between coworkers could be resolved through mediation rather than letting resentment fester. This isn’t just about providing a “quick fix” for mental health—it’s about creating a sustainable, nurturing workplace culture. If we genuinely wish to prioritise mental health in the workplace, then it’s time to go beyond well-meaning words and take actionable steps.